24.10.03

Are the railways in the process of being re-nationalised?

Some people may appreciate this:
Subject: Healthy eating advice

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can
prolong life.Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and
that's it -- don't waste them on exercise. Everything
wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer -- that's like saying you can
extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want
to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a
cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism
of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain?
Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field
grass(green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give
you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of
vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and
vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide
everything in the world into three categories: animal,
mineral and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine
are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table
of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My
advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your
liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have body fat,
your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your
ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in
a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy
is: No Pain...Good.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How
could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little
soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle it gets
bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a
bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO ..... Cocoa beans ... another
vegetable! It's the best "feel good" food around!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions
you may have had about food and diets. Have a
cookie...flour is a veggie!

One more thing...When life hands you lemons, ask for a
bottle of tequila and salt.

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